


Lord Voldemort and the Reason Behind His Noselessness

by Maisie_Malfoy



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, F/M, The story of Voldemort's nose and how he lost it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-03
Updated: 2019-05-03
Packaged: 2020-02-16 16:32:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18695209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maisie_Malfoy/pseuds/Maisie_Malfoy
Summary: Lord Voldemort loves his nose the way Bellatrix wishes he would love her. And she's not happy about it.





	Lord Voldemort and the Reason Behind His Noselessness

Lord Voldemort loved his nose.

In fact, he loved his nose so much that every night before bed, he explained to it how much it meant to him and that he loved it.

Voldemort had even had a sort of sleeve to put on his nose at night to keep it warm. He couldn't stand the thought of his beautiful nose catching a chill.

One day, while Voldemort was whispering words of love to his precious nose, he happened to see an advertisement for some sort of nose cream. He immediately bought two containers. After all, the nose cream claimed to be "the best cream for the best noses" and Voldemort wanted only the best for his nose.

However, Bellatrix was sick of being upstaged by her master's nose. She had lost count of the times she had heard his loving words, only to realize that he was speaking to a body part. So she discarded the nose cream and replaced it with a potion that, if applied correctly, would relieve Voldemort of his dear nose.

Bellatrix skipped out of the room in considerably better spirits. While she would have loved to see the potion take effect, it was all too possible that her master would accuse her of sabotaging his nose.

As expected, Voldemort wasted no time in coating his nose in what he thought was the cream he had bought. He was sure his nose would be even more appealing when the cream had set in, and wondered how he could possibly tear his eyes away from such a stunning nose.

Instead of the shining and radiant nose Voldemort had dreamed of, he heard a dull thud and felt something very, very wrong. He looked down and saw his poor nose on the ground.

"My nose!" shrieked Voldemort. He tried desperately to reattach his nose to his face, but when that failed, he let out a cry of pain.

Bellatrix came back into the room to find her master on the floor sobbing and whimpering, "My nose, my nose, my poor nose," over and over again.

Despite the fact that she had caused the loss of said nose, Bellatrix had no desire to watch Voldemort suffer like this. "I'm sorry for your loss, my Lord."

"You should be," Voldemort replied tearfully. "She was a good, good nose."

"A very good nose," Bellatrix agreed.

"Although," said Voldemort, pushing his fallen nose aside. "I do have…other options."

Sensing the moment she had waited on for years, Bellatrix instantly accepted.

"No, no, not you. I was referring to my lovely ears."


End file.
